Do you know that feeling when everything is divided into “before” and “after”? I used to hear about it only in books and movies. But it happened to me too. My first life died back there in February, along with my home, my city, and everything I had.

Honestly, when the bombing of the city started, I was almost sure that I would never come out of the shelter where I was hiding. It’s strange. In general, I am quite optimistic about life. But this was a different situation. Every day the sounds of shelling and explosions, the inability to leave the city... Apathy... Did I feel fear? Almost no. I felt nothing. Only desolation, hopelessness. But there is one thing that cannot be forgotten. The airplanes. It was not only the roaring of their engines somewhere high in the sky that was terrifying, but therealization that the sounds of engines would eventually be followed by the explosions of airplane bombs. When I heard the explosion of a shell, I knew that the bomb did not fall on me, but when I heard the explosion I also realized that the bomb had taken someone’s life. This is the most terrible thing... While in the shelter, I had one wish: I wanted to walk with my friends through the peaceful streets of the city, under a clear sky, feeling the sun’s rays on my skin and peace in my soul.

I am living a second life, a life “after”. Now I have been away from Ukraine for more than a year. Do I miss home? No, I don’t. I don’t have a home anymore. But I feel that the whole world, the whole planet, is now my home. I miss my life before the war. I miss my dream of going to university in Kyiv, which was destroyed like my city.

I live in Germany. A new country, a new culture, new people. I am learning a new language. I have also found new friends here. We travel and spend time together!

Alexey

Klara Leidl, friends, 2023, analog photography, pigment print on semi-matte paper, 800 x 985 mm & 800 x 1415 mm, text by Alexey